Books Concerning History

Usually I am not a huge supporter of non-fiction. To me, it commonly lacks creativity and feels like a lecture filled with proffesional jargon I am unfamiliar with. I am sure there are historical novels I am looked over in the bookshelves or just never had proper suggestions. Occasionally an essay or article would fit my pleasures but anymore than ten pages and the dragging information would likely begin to push me away.

In the past few months, my feelings have swayed and out of an undefined space in my mind, I have found a growing seed of interest in historical literature. It may have begun with my Literature in the Vietnam War class, or it may have sprouted from reading the back of David Grann’s The Lost City of Z. Either way, it happened and I am willingly embracing it by shoveling non-fiction titles in to my arms.

Although I mentioned The Lost City of Z, I have yet to purchase it. I have heard, however, that Brad Pitt has and is planning to inject some cinematic magic in to it. From be aware of what the novel is about, I cannot deny a bit of excitement about this possibility, even though I have yet to read the thing.

Instead of The Lost City of Z, I purchased A Voyage Long and Strange by Tony Horwitz. I must admit, walking through the plethora of book statues in Borders, the book’s cover art is what caught my searching eye. Who could resist a misdrawn map of the United States littered with Pilgrims and Native Americans alike. I could not, for one. I could, however, resist the book’s resistibly high cover price, $18? No, thank you. Instead, I rushed home and scoured eBay for my cheapest option. A $3 soft cover, slightly used copy hailing from Chris in Staten Island. It has yet to arrive but I am patiently waiting.

Aside from a cover painted with comical art, the plot is something to speak about:

What happened in North America between Columbus’s sail in 1492 and the Pilgrims’ arrival in 1620? On a visit to Plymouth Rock, Tony Horwitz realizes he doesn’t have a clue, nor do most Americans. So he sets off across the continent to rediscover the wild era when Europeans first roamed the New World in quest of gold, glory, converts, and eternal youth. Horwitz tells the story of these brave and often crazed explorers while retracing their steps on his own epic trek–an odyssey that takes him inside an Indian sweat lodge in subarctic Canada, down the Mississippi in a canoe, on a road trip fueled by buffalo meat, and into sixty pounds of armor as a conquistador reenactor in Florida.

- Amazon.Com

Not only has the book received a considerate description in Amazon’s book section, it has also been the recipient of many recent awards. The Washington Post voted A Voyage Long and Strange Best Book of the Year while The San Francisco Chronicle granted its placement on the 50 Best Nonfiction Book of the Year list.

All the hype and I’m more than just a tad excited for the postal truck to pull on to my road, park in front of my mailbox and to carefully place my copy of A Voyage Long and Strange in to the mailbox. Ah, what a wonderful read it will be!

Dear John… Wait, what?

A screenwriter should only have so much creative license when it comes to adapting a popular novel, especially one that threads such a relatable and current plot. If they overstep their boundaries during adapting the piece, the writer should willingly step in, correct? Well, Jamie Linden is apparently a writer who when given a plot, takes it at face value and likes to interject his own gross personal touches. Where were you during all of this, Mr. Nicholas Sparks?

The popular consensus is that the casting agent for this movie is at fault. Channing Tatum is not a conceivable choice for John. Amanda Seyfriend, while a maybe, could have tried a bit harder by looking the part of Savannah (a brunette, not a beach blonde).  Personally, I think the miscasting was the least of the films problems. Of course, if you have not read the book you may not think this and I will also suggest not reading any further. In this review, spoilers are just waiting to pour out from my fingertips.

Overall, most Sparks adapted movies are enjoyable; this one was a brutally slow moving train wreck. I gave the novel a mediocre review, at best. While it was romantic, it was not entirely fulfilling and left much to be wanted. Sparks readers get it: boy and girl meet, the boy is not always a good boy, boy and girl fall in love, something tragic takes place to throw their relationship off course, overcoming all possible odds the two find each other and fall back in to their deep love. Okay, that’s acceptable.

P.S. In Dear John, Sparks strays and lets the couple part their ways, as it is the only thing that works for the couple… At least in the novel, that is and that was a so-so ending.

Who knows what was running through Jamie Linden’s mind when he was writing this weak plot in to a script. “Hey, let’s make Savannah’s attractive same-aged friend in to a forty year old single father.” The roars of discontent in the theater were immediately apparent, that is when I knew who had diligently read the novel… And would now loathe its film version.

Other changes this film attendee had problems with? Enjoy the list:

1. The romance did not begin during Savannah’s spring break away from school. Who has a two weeklong spring break? And how is that long enough to spend a few minutes a day building a decent sized house? Oh, and by the way John, in the book… You felt awkward going to help Savannah build the house.
2. Dear John, oh John, I can see that you were very nervous in front of Savannah during your first few meetings but throughout the whole movie? In the book, your confidence eventually shone through the shy façade.
3. Where did Savannah’s real friends go? In the book they play a large part in painting her personality. They go to church on Sundays and help those less fortunate. Sure, she is there building a house for a victimized Katrina family, but what about everything else?
4. Although John’s father, played by Richard Jenkins, was probably the best casted and acted part of the movie, he was not the major influence of Savannah wanting to open a horse farm for mentally disabled children. Alan was, at least Alan as Tim’s brother was.
5. My possible favorite scene in the novel, the one where you see Savannah’s true manipulative colors was not in the movie. Instead of her handing John a textbook on Aspergers Syndrome and accusing John’s father of being socially handicapped, she instead makes an awkward side comment. Of course, both ending in a screaming fight and some version of Tim getting punched, the novel’s version was much more enlightening.
6. Why was Savannah so manipulative and bursting with lies? She was the same in the book, but in the movie it just gets worst. She marries the single father of a child she admires to secure him having a guardian to support him when his father dies of cancer. Considerate, but how is that a redeeming quality? She did lie to dear John, off defending her safety in Afghanistan. Two months with no letter, and the first will be… Dear John, I’m engaged to married and it is not to you. Oops?
7. My major problem was the ending and I feel only this IMDB review has worded it better than I ever could, in terms of hating it anyway.

I am aware that all adapted films differ from their literary counter parts. This, I feel, was far from differing and more close to being a stranger with candy. Nicholas Sparks, we get it, you know precisely how to spin romantic nonsense for bored women but we would appreciate that you do not sell out your plots in doing so, this one did not even force me to shed one solitary tear. Now what’s next for his “masterpieces”? Miley Cyrus. Oh joy?

DISCLAIMER REGARDING OUTSIDE REVIEW: I’m sure you know I’m no handicap abusing, women beating lunatic. Abuse is wrong, no doubt about it; this review just seemed to hit the nail just right in an entertaining manner. If you, or someone you know is being abused, you know what to do. Get in touch with a professional, tell someone.

The Toolbox Game

Last Wednesday night, we played a game. It took fifteen minutes and a series of imprinted popsicle sticks. Four sentences were provided and between each, an allotted time to write. It is a game to be skeptical about, because, what type of writing can you really produce in fifteen minutes? Especially when the first sentence, two sequiturs and conclusion are a given?

This is my piece, unaltered for the World Wide Web:

My mother was doing that thing she did, that thing with the rag in the sink. The one where she shakes her head back and forth in disgust and all my brothers and I can think of is, “Oh shit, what did we do?” And we knew it had to be something because that bowl was clean fifteen headshakes ago. Now, now she is just wearing and chipping away that paint.

Peter shepherds us to his bedroom to ask what we could have done, assuming he’s so damned angelic that it was not him. Robbie whimpers with his tail tucked up between like the girl that he is. Then, me, by default.

I woke up, made my bed, went to school, went to practice, came home, did my homework, ate dinner, studied some more and now I am here.

In a state of reluctance, we make a fatal group decision to return to the battleground.

Now, she was standing behind the counter giving him this root beer float kind of smile. Dad was home and she looked thrilled. Now, we are fucked. That root beer float kind of smile is the exact one someone gets before they happily throw you under the wheels of an eighteen-wheeler. My dad’s eighteen-wheeler… it’s not a pleasurable experience.

“He may be young, but he’s not stupid.” Dad. And then we don’t hear a thing.

We turn to Robbie because now it has to be him but he still doesn’t have the balls to give it up. He doesn’t have his little boy charm anymore though, so it has to come soon or we all may be going down. That never ends well, especially for Peter. He’s easiest to punish since he’s the oldest.

“The lemon sorbet melted all over the counter.” And his balls finally make an appearance.

“Fucking Christ Robbie, that’s all? She’s so pissed over that?”

“You couldn’t just apologize and save us the trouble?” Peter, shaking his head.

Robbie kept a straight daze on the floor and turned around. His feet stuck as he walked to the kitchen to meet his death. It was the saddest thing I ever saw. She hadn’t even cleaned up the mess and now he had to confront her and it.

I must say I like what I did. It’s simple, the speaker is easy and believable and it only took fifteen minutes of my time. I am sure it has its flaws here and there, but I wanted to post it clearly unedited. It makes it fresh and more fun to look at given it began as a game.

Enjoy!